just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
