So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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