Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
