Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
