U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
