census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
