you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
