Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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