they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
