I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
