I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
my liver is dry heaving
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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