YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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