There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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