Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
