Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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