If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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