Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
