At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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