I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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