Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
