my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you didnt know i had herpes?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
