The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
