I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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