we're blogging at a bar
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
