Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
