What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
