I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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