The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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