Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
