Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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