um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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