I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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