I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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