I can text with my tongue
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
