it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
