I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
