areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
