BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
