Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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