I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
