I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I believe in your delicious
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
