Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
