I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
