Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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