apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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