It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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