Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
