Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you would pick up someone in the library
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
