Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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