i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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