hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
