You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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