Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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