Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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