**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
