3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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