We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
