Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
