yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
