The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
