I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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