I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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