turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
