there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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