who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
