this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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