Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
