Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
