Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
