She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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