Umm I'm too high to move.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
