watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
