The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
