I wish I only lived at night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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