I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They took my balls.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
