Define "chronic" masturbator.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
