If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
