$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
