u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
