My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
