I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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