i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
