U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
