just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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