True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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